Alrighty, this entry is dedicated to Jim and Karen whom I hope may someday read this…
*note* possible swearing ahead, if you are of a gentile manner, please this is not the entry for you…
“But, Mousie, thou art no thy lane,
In proving foresight may be vain;
The best-laid schemes o’ mice an ‘men
Gang aft agley,
An’lea’e us nought but grief an’ pain,
For promis’d joy!”
We make plans, as the mouse we wish to foresee everything in our path, but even we know this is fruitless. In a way many things that happen in our life equate to building that beautiful little winter home, only to have the farmer plough it away for the next season. In all of my two years of thinking I knew these people, thinking that things would be OK between them and their son, I have never been so badly proven wrong. I never expected, never dreamed they would force their only child out once more, never dreamed that they could ever be so cruel as to blame their son for something he never did, but I suppose we all have to be proven wrong, we just need the strength to roll with the punches.
To be so shortsighted, so enraged with one another that they would willingly turn their anger and hatred full blast at their only child, their only legacy is something I could never have believed until yesterday. You are both making a mistake, a horrible erroneous mistake, one you will only see when you catch a glimmer, a hint of someone walking down the street with a small child in tow. That will be your grandchild, but you will have no part of her life, she will not know you as anything but a distant idea. She will only know she had loving grandparents on one side, the others never existed. Because face it, you knew this was never your idea of a great plan, one drunken night of married stupor lead you to believe “we should have kids” with an answer of “OK! lets get started.” Because after 23 years if you can easily toss aside your kid, tear their pictures from your wall and blame them for something stupid and childish, then you yourselves were never ready to have a child. It is a shame that both of you will miss your son’s greatest achievements, and it is a shame that your own mother, his grandmother, has been more of a mother to him than either of you have been parents. I wish I could tell these things to you to your face, and someday I might get that chance, but the honest truth hurts.
I know you will go on with your lives, cover up your ‘bitter past’ and pretend you never had a child, pretend that you could only raise dogs because you had infertility problems. You will forget your son, shun him and continue to shun all that you have left as family. I am saddened by your choices, saddened that you truly believe your mother, the kindest woman I have ever met, would really disown you, and I am saddened for you, the only opportunity you ever had to rebuild your life with your only child just faded away. So go ahead. Lock yourselves up in that massive prison of yours, continue to surround yourselves by ever obedient dogs that will put up with your screaming, your commands of perfection, and your small prisons. They will unconditionally love you because you trained them to, they have little free will and live by your schedule, they are what you have made them, perfect, little, children.
Because they are what your son clearly could never be…